by Stefan Kukula

It's all very well going to Austria looking like an advert for 'Caving Supplies', but some essentials just aren't available on the bulk order. Not all the items below were taken underground, but all would have been useful, somehow.

1. Adjustable Spanner - For mud-jammed m.r.'s, bolts, jets, taking ballsed up anchors off drivers (oops, sorry guys).
2. Toothbrush - For cleaning jammers, gobbler jets, teeth, picking nails. Advisable to have a separate one for use underground: mud affects toothpaste flavour.
3. Toilet Roll - For mopping one's brow, it can get awfully sweaty down there.
4. Fire Extinguisher - In case people forget that it is not a good idea to set fire to carbide dumps whilst people are sitting on them. Alternatively;
5. Burn-eze.
6. Scissors - For getting beard, hair, gloves, fingers out of racks.
7. Crowbar - You mean you like going down pitches with boulders called 'Hanging Death' perched above you?
8. Earrings - For holding crabs, m.r.'s and for use as an extra belay. A novel point to attach a third jammer.
9. Dictionary of Colloquialisms - In case someone runs out of obscenities whilst going through a particularly horrible bit (eg. 'Roddick's Dive').
10. Dictionary - For finding out what 'colloquialism' means.
11. Caving Practice and Equipment - just how do you tie an alpine 'Y' anyway?
12. Very Dark Glasses - Boosts confidence when examining bolt emplacements.
13. Earplugs - For those worried by Marlow creaking.
14. 'Barf' Bags - For use by sea-sickness sufferers whilst going up Edelrid.
15. Fake Stal Formations - For use in photographs to impress the folks back home.
16. Handbook of Heroic Poses - Also for photographic trips. See the front of the '85 journal.
17. A Large Tacklebag - To put it all in.
18. Someone Who Likes Tackle Hauling - Where do we get such maniacs?