Hey Mr SRT man spare a thought for me
I'm not climbing, and there is no way I'm going to
Hey Mr SRT man
You look so cool and free
On my miles of dangling ladder I hang envying you.

Take me on a trip
Upon your rope before I flip
My senses have been stripped
My hands don't seem to grip
My toes too numb to step
I wish I'd bought some Jumars, or gone ropewalking.

I'm ready to do anything
I'm ready now to climb
My harness to design
Cast that Petzl Croll my way I'm going to go ropewalking

Then I'll be laughing, spinning, springing madly up the pitch...